If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
where does the pee come out of this thing
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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