You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
