there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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