I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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