can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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