Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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