You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Randomize
