Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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