the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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