I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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