she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize