he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
