im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Randomize
