I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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