i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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