I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
