He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
