I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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