all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
