I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize