My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
