How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize