I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
