I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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