I think my fart just growled at me.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
