paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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