It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
