margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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