when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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