Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
