Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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