I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
