Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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