There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
