Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
