I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
