there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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