Me too!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
