i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
