I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
