And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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