So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
