The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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