3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
