yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
