My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
