I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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