Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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