I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
