We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have demons in me.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
