I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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