I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
