He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
