I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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