I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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