watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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