sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
