I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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