I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
