I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
