I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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