she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
