He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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