she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you inspire me to be a worse person
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
