The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
