You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
