i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
