so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
