my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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