In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
