Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
