I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
