i was born a porn star she said
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
