What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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