My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
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